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Archive for August, 2009

Amanda, over at Garibay Soup, has a blog carnival for Mondays. She wants you to write about something, anything that motivates or inspires you. Here is what inspires me.
There has been a lot of pain and loss and heartache, it seems, in the last few weeks on twitter, the blogworld, and on the news and normally I try to steer clear of it because my heart can’t take thinking of it. But it got me to thinking…What if I couldn’t “steer clear”. What if it happened to me and I was in the middle of my own worst nightmare? At this point in my life, I don’t think I would/could handle something like that. Losing a loved one, losing a pregnancy, losing a child….I’m not sure I’m strong enough to overcome something like that. How do people do it? There are people all over the world that triumph through the darkest times of their lives and live to tell the tale. How? I have a friend that I met through scary circumstances who has dealt with personal loss, loss that no mother should ever have to go through. She is a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend. She is an amazing person. She has been through hell. She has felt the pain that I wouldn’t wish on a single person on this planet and she not only overcame this pain but she talks openly about her loss. She blogs about her baby…Mya. She sends balloons into the heavens on the anniversary of the day she lost her sweet angel. She is willing to give advice to anyone who needs help talking to someone who is experiencing the same feelings she has felt. That, to me, is inspiration. I don’t mind telling you that I don’t think I would have the courage to ever do something like that. Don’t get me wrong. Were I in that situation, I’d love to help someone else in need. I just can’t imagine being the strong, amazing person that my friend so clearly is. She is beyond words. If you have experienced loss and need someone who understands all too well then she is definitely someone you should talk with about your pain, your fear, your hopes, your memories. She will understand, I promise you that. She is exceptionally perceptive and would be a great benefit to anyone, in my opinion.
Here is her website. Check it out. Read about her journey, her life, her loves. You won’t be disappointed, that I can promise.
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Today is Monday. Mondays are EVIL for me. I get so used to sleeping in, being lazy, and slothing around that Mondays roll around and kick me square in the you-know-what. Here is my post for Monday b/c I’m just too lazy to write/come up with anything else. Hope you enjoy.

I know I’m not anywhere near as talented as Amanda or Kimber as far as photography goes. I won’t even pretend to be. They have some serious skills going on and you should check out some of their pics. They RAWK and I don’t just say that because I love them both the pieces. They can totally take a mean picture!! Here is my attempt at taking pictures. Be kind…..

Thing 2 and I decided to go on a walk today.

He decided it was cold.

Then, he decided the hood wasn’t needed and he was ready to go.

We had a great walk and spent the whole time singing songs and enjoying our one on one time. I love how his mind works and all the wonderful amazing things I’m seeing/learning about him. What a joy this boy is!! I love Thing 2!

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I read this in Parents mag and had to share. So many of the “things” spoke to me as a Mommy and I hope they speak to you, too!

39 Things Every Mom Should Know:
by Kacy Faulconer

1. You never have to go to obnoxious kid-themed restaurants. Ever. I wish someone had told me that.

2. Don’t make birthday parties a big deal.

3. Do your chores while the kids are awake. Using up nap time to wash dishes or clean the bathroom is truly soul-crushing.

4. Put band-aids on everything your kids want you to. Why not?

5. If the kids are awake, bite the bullet and be awake yourself. You’ll waste so many hours trying futilely to extend early-morning snoozes that it’s not worth it. If you are sick, pregnant, or it’s the middle of the night, ignore this advice.

6. Just throw away the poopy underwear.

7. Don’t beat yourself up if you have to use a bribe.

8. Teach your kids not to pee outside unless you’re camping- you’ll be glad you did. But if other people’s kids do it, don’t judge the parents too harshly-it’s all about karma. (If you’re in the midst of potty training, all bets are off. You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.)

9. Buy cheap shoes when kids are little. Feet grow faster than you think.

10. Don’t forget about board games. You’ll suffer through too much candy land and chutes and ladders, but connect four and battleship aren’t half bad. And Clue rocks.

11. Embrace their quirks.

12. Know this; That stain won’t come out. And it’s okay. (the sooner you accept this, the better.)

13. At some point it will be February. Things will seem bleak. You will think about vitamins, glasses, more exercise, more sleep more chores, less TV, more rules, fewer rules, and organic food. Just wait. Things will get better when the snow melts. Know that it will happen again at the end of summer right before school starts. It’s the circle of life baby.

14. Always get boys’ haircuts at barber shops instead of hair salons.

15. Answer this question: What’s the worst thing that can happen if your kids sleep in their clothes?

16. Never stifle a generous inclination.

17. Try to like what they like. It kinda sucks when it’s Bob the Builder, but the payoff will come when they discover Lemony Snicket.

18. Teach them to pump on the swings ASAP.

19. If your child falls asleep without brushing her teeth, don’t wake her; baby teeth do eventually fall out.

20. I know you are supposed to use natural consequences to punish bad behavior, but sometimes it’s hard to think of natural consequences. In these cases try threatening your kids with clipping their toenails or some other activity they dread. I’ve had great success with this one, but you must find your own.

21. Get used to the word zerrissenheit it means a state of disjointedness, and it’s the new normal for most of us. At least you can feel fancy because it’s German.

22. But kids deodorant before they need it.

23. Teach your children to make their own breakfast- allow enough time so they can do it without pressure.

24. I can’t stress this enough: Use duvet covers on your comforters and forget about a top sheet. Not only will you thank me for this advice, but your kids will thank me as well when they are learning to make their bed.

25. Remember clogging lessons are not in the best interest of the child.

26. Don’t administer a punishment that hurts you more than it does them.

27. Always pack wipes. If your kids go somewhere without you, send along wipes. It’s like having a mom with them.

28. Do not allow the word wienies in your home. ??? LOL I don’t get this one.

29. Dress your little girls like, well, little girls.

30. Make sure your kids know how they like their eggs and burgers cooked. You don’t want them to feel stress when ordering at the diner.

31. It’s fine to brag about yourself to your kids. ??? again I don’t get this one.

32. Buy quaint wooden toys and hand-knit stuffed animals. Don’t expect your kids to play with them.

33. Just say “No” to any toy or doll that comes with packets that have to be mixed with water.

34. Teach them to like cool music. Why suffer through The Wiggles when you could be enjoying Wilco or counting along with Feist?

35. Don’t buy the most expensive school-picture package. It’s a waste of money.

36. Give out awards for actual achievements.

37. You’re never too old to dress up and decorate your house for Halloween. And it’s more fun for everyone if you are into it. It also entitles you to more candy.

38. If the school year, new babysitter, or karate class gets off to a rocky start, don’t totally stress out about it. Instead, think of the improvement that can be made by the end of the year.

39. Independence is a wonderful thing. For everyone. So is together time. Make sure you have a healthy dose of both.

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Okay. I haven’t been sleeping well. Having a kid that is sick will do that to you. I hate not getting enough sleep for a few reasons: 1) I’m a cranky hooker and it’s harder to hide it when I’m tired. 2) I have weird and crazy dreams that scare even me. 3) The weird dreams worry me enough to keep me from sleeping the next night for fear of an encore. Case in point:

Thing 2 has been tossing and turning the last few nights. I’m up checking on her, getting her drinks when her throat is dry and just plain old worrying when/if her fever spikes. After I got her to sleep, I drifted into a dreamland of my own. Boy was it! You all know I’ve had baby on the brain the last few weeks so in my dream I was pregnant. I was in this magical fairytale land with bright colors and trees and bushes made of candy. Sounds good, right? I thought so, too. Out of nowhere, up to me walks Willy Wonka himself. He’s every bit as eccentric in dreamlife as he seems on TV. He sees that I’m pregnant and asks if I’d like to “get to know” my baby. I’m all “sure” and he’s all “let’s go” and grabs my arms and starts pulling me towards a lab-looking room. He’s an inventor, remember?

We enter the room and there are so many gizmos and gadgets that I don’t know what to inspect first and that’s a good thing cuz he keeps right on dragging me towards this GIANT red microwave type contraption. He stops and looks at me and says “Put your baby in there”. I look at him and say “HUH?”….b/c seriously? How the heck am I supposed to do that when my baby has to live in there for much longer until he/she can be born. He looks at me like a nutjob and pokes me in the bellybutton. I’m just about to start screaming at him (I hate it when people touch my pregnant belly) when the baby magically pops out of my belly. WHAT THE HELL, WILLY WONKA??

So, I’m standing there, not pregnant at the moment, with Willy Wonka holding my not-ready-to-be-born-yet baby and he’s about to put him/her in his GIANT red microwave. What would you do in this situation? Right! That’s exactly what I did. “Go ahead”, I say. And he did. He begins pushing buttons and all the lights start coming on and the baby is in there all happy and fine.(keep in mind the baby isn’t fully developed and after waking up I had questions like “How did the baby breath? Why was the baby so happy in there?”) In my dream, I’m all fine with this and actually excited this GIANT red microwave is going to tell me about my baby. Willy Wonka explains that his invention will tell me about the baby’s personality, likes and dislikes, job titles he/she will hold. I’m getting REALLY excited folks! Just then, the timer on the microwave goes off and the light goes off and Willyboy exclaims “HAHA We’ve done it again!”. I see a piece of paper shooting out of a tiny slot and I wait impatiently for him to read what my baby will be like and….I FREAKIN’ WOKE UP!!!

If that isn’t the biggest bunch of crap EVER, I don’t know what is. I’m mad now. I’m mad at Willy Wonka. That butthead knows WAY more than he’s letting on. I’ve spent my whole life thinking chocolate was his forte only to find out he’s had this GIANT red microwave that will tell us Mommies all about our babies and he’s been holding out on us! Not cool, Willy, Not COOL AT ALL!

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I haven’t ever written about this and it’s surprisingly harder than I thought it would be now that I’m actually doing it. That’s how much it really bothers me. I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately and my regret and guilt are getting to me and maybe writing it out will help in some way. Here I go:

I was 20 and in dental assiting school when I found out I was pregnant with Thing 1. It came as a total shock and I spent a few weeks going to school in a daze of confusion not knowing what to do or how to do it. I knew there wasn’t an option for me. I knew having the baby living inside me was the only choice I could make. The confusion came from not knowing how to take care of a baby and the fact that I didn’t think I was ready. I was still in school. I didn’t have my degree yet. About 3 months into the pregnancy I started spotting and I was rushed the ER. A very emotionless nurse informed me “you’re probably having a miscarriage” with about as much feeling in her voice as if she was telling me to shut the door behind me. Sadness overwhelmed me. I knew I would love this baby and I knew I wanted her but until that moment, I didn’t realize just how much.

Luckily, I didn’t miscarry and they finally found a heartbeat. I was told to stop school and keep my feet up as much as possible. I was put on light bedrest and watched carefully for the rest of my pregnancy. My dental assisting degree would have to wait. And wait, it did. This story isn’t about my pregnancy or her beautiful entry into the world. This is about what I didn’t finish. What I haven’t finished.

I am sad to say I am 25, almost 26 and hold no formal degrees. That breaks my heart to write that. I had plans. I always knew I wanted to do something in medicine. Dental assisting was just a 1st stop. I wanted to go to nursing school and have a few degrees under my belt before I became a Mommy. Life happened. When Thing 1 was born, The Trav and I decided that me staying home with her would be the best and that I could start school later. 2 years Thing 2 made his beautiful entry into the world and I’m still here, being their Mommy, and taking care of their every need with no degree. I don’t want anyone reading this saying “she’s mad she’s taking care of her kids????” I’m not. I have loved every single second of my life as a SAHM. I just have regrets. If someone reading this says “I have no regrets” I would have to politely call them a liar. I know I’m young and I know I still have time and I intend to put my plans into actions…one of these days. I just regret that I didn’t get some kind of degree and then in the same thought bubble pops the thought of “well if you had your kids would’ve been in daycare instead of home with you” and then comes the guilt. Guilt and regret have a tug ‘o war in my head a lot. I see all these Mommies working and putting their kids in daycare and they go out every day working their dream jobs and I feel jealous. I talk to some Moms who say “I wish I could stay at home with my kids” because they have to work for their families. I know us Moms live on both sides of the spectrums and I just felt like letting you know how this Mom feels.

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Dear Honey,

Let me start this letter by saying that I love you. I know you work hard for our family and for that, I’m very grateful. I know that working your 8 hour job is stressful. I know that dealing with disgruntled customers with their heads up their rears can be annoying and makes you want to throat punch them, I get it. I’m sorry for that. I understand that adding to your already stressful job, the farmwork you’ve been taking care of for your dad that’s recovering from heart surgery can’t be easy. You don’t get home until 9 or later every night and you are dead tired by that time. I see it in your eyes and your attitude. I feel for you. I have empathy and sympathy for you. That’s how I work. Can you work the same way, please?

I’m a SAHM and have been all of my parenthood. I’ve loved every single moment and wouldn’t change it for the world. I take pride in my “job” and I perform my tasks as if I am working towards employee of the year. I hope you notice the smiles on the kid’s faces at the end of the day as a reflection of my competence in my job. I think I’m a damn good Mommy, thank you very much. BUT and it’s a big one. I need your sympathy, as well. I need you to realize that I don’t sit on the couch and eat bon bons all damn day. I don’t watch soaps(I do watch one but not all day) and spend my day painting my toenails and thumbing through trashing magazines. I’M RAISING YOUR CHILDREN HERE! I get tired. I get stressed. I get anxiety. I worry. I panic. Motherhood is a very full and rewarding accomplishment but with that comes many many fears and insecurities, some of which I don’t even share with you. When I do confide in you, I need your understand. I need your full attention. I know we both have things going on in life and I know you’re busy as hell lately but so am I. I have a brand new schedule that is trying it’s damnest to kick my tail feathers and when I say “I’m so stressed out” and I don’t get a “I’m sorry” I seriously worry about your wellbeing. I might hurt you, my love.

I know you love your family. I know you love me. I’ve always known this and I’m not doubting it now. I am writing this to show you that I see your side of things and I need you to see my side. I’m frustrated right now and I need you to see that. Put yourself in my tennies for a second and feel what I feel. That’s all I ask. I bet you $5 you go running scared back to the 8 hr job and farmwork. Mommyhood ain’t for the faint of heart. I don’t get breaks. I don’t get a “lunch hour” unless you count when I’m making it. Thank you for all that you’ve been and all that you continue to be. I love you with all of my heart and will always love you.

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As most of my regular readers know, we have decided to start “working” on Thing 3. This doesn’t really take work to make this happen: The Trav and I seem to think the word baby in the past and have been pregnant(probably just jinxed myself there). I’ve been thinking baby, baby, baby lately and one thing comes to mind: weight gain. I haven’t blogged much about it but over the past year, I have busted my tail feathers to lose my weight that I gained from both pregnancies. Yes, it’s true that Thing 1 is almost 5 and Thing 2 is almost 3 and I should’ve lost it a long time ago but it didn’t happen. I gained way too much weight with Thing 1 and didn’t lose it all before Thing 2 was baking away as a bun in the oven. I loved being pregnant. I loved the kicking, feeling the movements, seeing the baby on the ultrasounds….all the fun of the “being a vessel”. What I didn’t love, was gaining way too much weight and feeling insecure 24/7. I didn’t feel attractive pregnant(I know I’m not alone here) but I want to do things differently this time around. With the other two, I was 21 and 23 when they were born and this time at 26, I feel like I’m more capable of making better choices for myself and the future Thing 3. I want to eat better, continue to exericise, and above all…NOT GET TOO FAT. I know weight gain is evitable with pregnant and someone will be read this and say “OMG, she’s going to starve herself while she’s pregnant!” No, I’m not. I’m going to keep making better food choices for us both and in doing so, gain the right amount of weight and that weight will be easier to lose because I’ll already be on the right path. Make sense? The day I had Thing 1 I weighed a whopping 167. I breastfed her the entire first year of her life and contrary to what EVERYONE told me, I lost a very minimal amount of weight. It took forever for the weight to come off. With Thing 2, the weight came off quicker but not as quick as all the skinny Mommies I saw with newborns walking around. Perfect genetically crafted bitches! Kidding! I am proud to say that as of right now I am at a very healthy weight of 123 and that’s after a lot of working out and eating the right portions of the right foods. Not always fun, NOT always easy. I guess what I’m getting at is I will be using how I feel about myself now and Thing 3’s health as my motivation to continue on this road of being healthy and not gaining too much weight or the wrong kind of weight. I might need reminding and I KNOW I’ll need encouragement! Above all the worry, stress, panic and many other things I’m excited to begin this new chapter of our lives. Being a Mommy of 2 is amazing and I can only imagine that it gets better with each squirmy and cuddly addition to the family. I.CAN’T.WAIT.

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