Just a Motivating Monday…

Amanda, over at Garibay Soup, has a blog carnival for Mondays. She wants you to write about something, anything that motivates or inspires you. Here is what inspires me.

There has been a lot of pain and loss and heartache, it seems, in the last few weeks on twitter, the blogworld, and on the news and normally I try to steer clear of it because my heart can’t take thinking of it. But it got me to thinking…What if I couldn’t “steer clear”. What if it happened to me and I was in the middle of my own worst nightmare? At this point in my life, I don’t think I would/could handle something like that. Losing a loved one, losing a pregnancy, losing a child….I’m not sure I’m strong enough to overcome something like that. How do people do it? There are people all over the world that triumph through the darkest times of their lives and live to tell the tale. How? I have a friend that I met through scary circumstances who has dealt with personal loss, loss that no mother should ever have to go through. She is a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend. She is an amazing person. She has been through hell. She has felt the pain that I wouldn’t wish on a single person on this planet and she not only overcame this pain but she talks openly about her loss. She blogs about her baby…Mya. She sends balloons into the heavens on the anniversary of the day she lost her sweet angel. She is willing to give advice to anyone who needs help talking to someone who is experiencing the same feelings she has felt. That, to me, is inspiration. I don’t mind telling you that I don’t think I would have the courage to ever do something like that. Don’t get me wrong. Were I in that situation, I’d love to help someone else in need. I just can’t imagine being the strong, amazing person that my friend so clearly is. She is beyond words. If you have experienced loss and need someone who understands all too well then she is definitely someone you should talk with about your pain, your fear, your hopes, your memories. She will understand, I promise you that. She is exceptionally perceptive and would be a great benefit to anyone, in my opinion.

Here is her website. Check it out. Read about her journey, her life, her loves. You won’t be disappointed, that I can promise.

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I’m lazy…sue me!

Today is Monday. Mondays are EVIL for me. I get so used to sleeping in, being lazy, and slothing around that Mondays roll around and kick me square in the you-know-what. Here is my post for Monday b/c I’m just too lazy to write/come up with anything else. Hope you enjoy.

I know I’m not anywhere near as talented as Amanda or Kimber as far as photography goes. I won’t even pretend to be. They have some serious skills going on and you should check out some of their pics. They RAWK and I don’t just say that because I love them both the pieces. They can totally take a mean picture!! Here is my attempt at taking pictures. Be kind…..

Thing 2 and I decided to go on a walk today.

He decided it was cold.

Then, he decided the hood wasn’t needed and he was ready to go.

We had a great walk and spent the whole time singing songs and enjoying our one on one time. I love how his mind works and all the wonderful amazing things I’m seeing/learning about him. What a joy this boy is!! I love Thing 2!

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Parents Magazine Article….

I read this in Parents mag and had to share. So many of the “things” spoke to me as a Mommy and I hope they speak to you, too!

39 Things Every Mom Should Know:
by Kacy Faulconer

1. You never have to go to obnoxious kid-themed restaurants. Ever. I wish someone had told me that.

2. Don’t make birthday parties a big deal.

3. Do your chores while the kids are awake. Using up nap time to wash dishes or clean the bathroom is truly soul-crushing.

4. Put band-aids on everything your kids want you to. Why not?

5. If the kids are awake, bite the bullet and be awake yourself. You’ll waste so many hours trying futilely to extend early-morning snoozes that it’s not worth it. If you are sick, pregnant, or it’s the middle of the night, ignore this advice.

6. Just throw away the poopy underwear.

7. Don’t beat yourself up if you have to use a bribe.

8. Teach your kids not to pee outside unless you’re camping- you’ll be glad you did. But if other people’s kids do it, don’t judge the parents too harshly-it’s all about karma. (If you’re in the midst of potty training, all bets are off. You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.)

9. Buy cheap shoes when kids are little. Feet grow faster than you think.

10. Don’t forget about board games. You’ll suffer through too much candy land and chutes and ladders, but connect four and battleship aren’t half bad. And Clue rocks.

11. Embrace their quirks.

12. Know this; That stain won’t come out. And it’s okay. (the sooner you accept this, the better.)

13. At some point it will be February. Things will seem bleak. You will think about vitamins, glasses, more exercise, more sleep more chores, less TV, more rules, fewer rules, and organic food. Just wait. Things will get better when the snow melts. Know that it will happen again at the end of summer right before school starts. It’s the circle of life baby.

14. Always get boys’ haircuts at barber shops instead of hair salons.

15. Answer this question: What’s the worst thing that can happen if your kids sleep in their clothes?

16. Never stifle a generous inclination.

17. Try to like what they like. It kinda sucks when it’s Bob the Builder, but the payoff will come when they discover Lemony Snicket.

18. Teach them to pump on the swings ASAP.

19. If your child falls asleep without brushing her teeth, don’t wake her; baby teeth do eventually fall out.

20. I know you are supposed to use natural consequences to punish bad behavior, but sometimes it’s hard to think of natural consequences. In these cases try threatening your kids with clipping their toenails or some other activity they dread. I’ve had great success with this one, but you must find your own.

21. Get used to the word zerrissenheit it means a state of disjointedness, and it’s the new normal for most of us. At least you can feel fancy because it’s German.

22. But kids deodorant before they need it.

23. Teach your children to make their own breakfast- allow enough time so they can do it without pressure.

24. I can’t stress this enough: Use duvet covers on your comforters and forget about a top sheet. Not only will you thank me for this advice, but your kids will thank me as well when they are learning to make their bed.

25. Remember clogging lessons are not in the best interest of the child.

26. Don’t administer a punishment that hurts you more than it does them.

27. Always pack wipes. If your kids go somewhere without you, send along wipes. It’s like having a mom with them.

28. Do not allow the word wienies in your home. ??? LOL I don’t get this one.

29. Dress your little girls like, well, little girls.

30. Make sure your kids know how they like their eggs and burgers cooked. You don’t want them to feel stress when ordering at the diner.

31. It’s fine to brag about yourself to your kids. ??? again I don’t get this one.

32. Buy quaint wooden toys and hand-knit stuffed animals. Don’t expect your kids to play with them.

33. Just say “No” to any toy or doll that comes with packets that have to be mixed with water.

34. Teach them to like cool music. Why suffer through The Wiggles when you could be enjoying Wilco or counting along with Feist?

35. Don’t buy the most expensive school-picture package. It’s a waste of money.

36. Give out awards for actual achievements.

37. You’re never too old to dress up and decorate your house for Halloween. And it’s more fun for everyone if you are into it. It also entitles you to more candy.

38. If the school year, new babysitter, or karate class gets off to a rocky start, don’t totally stress out about it. Instead, think of the improvement that can be made by the end of the year.

39. Independence is a wonderful thing. For everyone. So is together time. Make sure you have a healthy dose of both.

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Willy Wonka knows more than he’s letting on….

Okay. I haven’t been sleeping well. Having a kid that is sick will do that to you. I hate not getting enough sleep for a few reasons: 1) I’m a cranky hooker and it’s harder to hide it when I’m tired. 2) I have weird and crazy dreams that scare even me. 3) The weird dreams worry me enough to keep me from sleeping the next night for fear of an encore. Case in point:

Thing 2 has been tossing and turning the last few nights. I’m up checking on her, getting her drinks when her throat is dry and just plain old worrying when/if her fever spikes. After I got her to sleep, I drifted into a dreamland of my own. Boy was it! You all know I’ve had baby on the brain the last few weeks so in my dream I was pregnant. I was in this magical fairytale land with bright colors and trees and bushes made of candy. Sounds good, right? I thought so, too. Out of nowhere, up to me walks Willy Wonka himself. He’s every bit as eccentric in dreamlife as he seems on TV. He sees that I’m pregnant and asks if I’d like to “get to know” my baby. I’m all “sure” and he’s all “let’s go” and grabs my arms and starts pulling me towards a lab-looking room. He’s an inventor, remember?

We enter the room and there are so many gizmos and gadgets that I don’t know what to inspect first and that’s a good thing cuz he keeps right on dragging me towards this GIANT red microwave type contraption. He stops and looks at me and says “Put your baby in there”. I look at him and say “HUH?”….b/c seriously? How the heck am I supposed to do that when my baby has to live in there for much longer until he/she can be born. He looks at me like a nutjob and pokes me in the bellybutton. I’m just about to start screaming at him (I hate it when people touch my pregnant belly) when the baby magically pops out of my belly. WHAT THE HELL, WILLY WONKA??

So, I’m standing there, not pregnant at the moment, with Willy Wonka holding my not-ready-to-be-born-yet baby and he’s about to put him/her in his GIANT red microwave. What would you do in this situation? Right! That’s exactly what I did. “Go ahead”, I say. And he did. He begins pushing buttons and all the lights start coming on and the baby is in there all happy and fine.(keep in mind the baby isn’t fully developed and after waking up I had questions like “How did the baby breath? Why was the baby so happy in there?”) In my dream, I’m all fine with this and actually excited this GIANT red microwave is going to tell me about my baby. Willy Wonka explains that his invention will tell me about the baby’s personality, likes and dislikes, job titles he/she will hold. I’m getting REALLY excited folks! Just then, the timer on the microwave goes off and the light goes off and Willyboy exclaims “HAHA We’ve done it again!”. I see a piece of paper shooting out of a tiny slot and I wait impatiently for him to read what my baby will be like and….I FREAKIN’ WOKE UP!!!

If that isn’t the biggest bunch of crap EVER, I don’t know what is. I’m mad now. I’m mad at Willy Wonka. That butthead knows WAY more than he’s letting on. I’ve spent my whole life thinking chocolate was his forte only to find out he’s had this GIANT red microwave that will tell us Mommies all about our babies and he’s been holding out on us! Not cool, Willy, Not COOL AT ALL!

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Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

I haven’t ever written about this and it’s surprisingly harder than I thought it would be now that I’m actually doing it. That’s how much it really bothers me. I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately and my regret and guilt are getting to me and maybe writing it out will help in some way. Here I go:

I was 20 and in dental assiting school when I found out I was pregnant with Thing 1. It came as a total shock and I spent a few weeks going to school in a daze of confusion not knowing what to do or how to do it. I knew there wasn’t an option for me. I knew having the baby living inside me was the only choice I could make. The confusion came from not knowing how to take care of a baby and the fact that I didn’t think I was ready. I was still in school. I didn’t have my degree yet. About 3 months into the pregnancy I started spotting and I was rushed the ER. A very emotionless nurse informed me “you’re probably having a miscarriage” with about as much feeling in her voice as if she was telling me to shut the door behind me. Sadness overwhelmed me. I knew I would love this baby and I knew I wanted her but until that moment, I didn’t realize just how much.

Luckily, I didn’t miscarry and they finally found a heartbeat. I was told to stop school and keep my feet up as much as possible. I was put on light bedrest and watched carefully for the rest of my pregnancy. My dental assisting degree would have to wait. And wait, it did. This story isn’t about my pregnancy or her beautiful entry into the world. This is about what I didn’t finish. What I haven’t finished.

I am sad to say I am 25, almost 26 and hold no formal degrees. That breaks my heart to write that. I had plans. I always knew I wanted to do something in medicine. Dental assisting was just a 1st stop. I wanted to go to nursing school and have a few degrees under my belt before I became a Mommy. Life happened. When Thing 1 was born, The Trav and I decided that me staying home with her would be the best and that I could start school later. 2 years Thing 2 made his beautiful entry into the world and I’m still here, being their Mommy, and taking care of their every need with no degree. I don’t want anyone reading this saying “she’s mad she’s taking care of her kids????” I’m not. I have loved every single second of my life as a SAHM. I just have regrets. If someone reading this says “I have no regrets” I would have to politely call them a liar. I know I’m young and I know I still have time and I intend to put my plans into actions…one of these days. I just regret that I didn’t get some kind of degree and then in the same thought bubble pops the thought of “well if you had your kids would’ve been in daycare instead of home with you” and then comes the guilt. Guilt and regret have a tug ‘o war in my head a lot. I see all these Mommies working and putting their kids in daycare and they go out every day working their dream jobs and I feel jealous. I talk to some Moms who say “I wish I could stay at home with my kids” because they have to work for their families. I know us Moms live on both sides of the spectrums and I just felt like letting you know how this Mom feels.

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Dear Honey: I work, too!

Dear Honey,

Let me start this letter by saying that I love you. I know you work hard for our family and for that, I’m very grateful. I know that working your 8 hour job is stressful. I know that dealing with disgruntled customers with their heads up their rears can be annoying and makes you want to throat punch them, I get it. I’m sorry for that. I understand that adding to your already stressful job, the farmwork you’ve been taking care of for your dad that’s recovering from heart surgery can’t be easy. You don’t get home until 9 or later every night and you are dead tired by that time. I see it in your eyes and your attitude. I feel for you. I have empathy and sympathy for you. That’s how I work. Can you work the same way, please?

I’m a SAHM and have been all of my parenthood. I’ve loved every single moment and wouldn’t change it for the world. I take pride in my “job” and I perform my tasks as if I am working towards employee of the year. I hope you notice the smiles on the kid’s faces at the end of the day as a reflection of my competence in my job. I think I’m a damn good Mommy, thank you very much. BUT and it’s a big one. I need your sympathy, as well. I need you to realize that I don’t sit on the couch and eat bon bons all damn day. I don’t watch soaps(I do watch one but not all day) and spend my day painting my toenails and thumbing through trashing magazines. I’M RAISING YOUR CHILDREN HERE! I get tired. I get stressed. I get anxiety. I worry. I panic. Motherhood is a very full and rewarding accomplishment but with that comes many many fears and insecurities, some of which I don’t even share with you. When I do confide in you, I need your understand. I need your full attention. I know we both have things going on in life and I know you’re busy as hell lately but so am I. I have a brand new schedule that is trying it’s damnest to kick my tail feathers and when I say “I’m so stressed out” and I don’t get a “I’m sorry” I seriously worry about your wellbeing. I might hurt you, my love.

I know you love your family. I know you love me. I’ve always known this and I’m not doubting it now. I am writing this to show you that I see your side of things and I need you to see my side. I’m frustrated right now and I need you to see that. Put yourself in my tennies for a second and feel what I feel. That’s all I ask. I bet you $5 you go running scared back to the 8 hr job and farmwork. Mommyhood ain’t for the faint of heart. I don’t get breaks. I don’t get a “lunch hour” unless you count when I’m making it. Thank you for all that you’ve been and all that you continue to be. I love you with all of my heart and will always love you.

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My plan of attack…

As most of my regular readers know, we have decided to start “working” on Thing 3. This doesn’t really take work to make this happen: The Trav and I seem to think the word baby in the past and have been pregnant(probably just jinxed myself there). I’ve been thinking baby, baby, baby lately and one thing comes to mind: weight gain. I haven’t blogged much about it but over the past year, I have busted my tail feathers to lose my weight that I gained from both pregnancies. Yes, it’s true that Thing 1 is almost 5 and Thing 2 is almost 3 and I should’ve lost it a long time ago but it didn’t happen. I gained way too much weight with Thing 1 and didn’t lose it all before Thing 2 was baking away as a bun in the oven. I loved being pregnant. I loved the kicking, feeling the movements, seeing the baby on the ultrasounds….all the fun of the “being a vessel”. What I didn’t love, was gaining way too much weight and feeling insecure 24/7. I didn’t feel attractive pregnant(I know I’m not alone here) but I want to do things differently this time around. With the other two, I was 21 and 23 when they were born and this time at 26, I feel like I’m more capable of making better choices for myself and the future Thing 3. I want to eat better, continue to exericise, and above all…NOT GET TOO FAT. I know weight gain is evitable with pregnant and someone will be read this and say “OMG, she’s going to starve herself while she’s pregnant!” No, I’m not. I’m going to keep making better food choices for us both and in doing so, gain the right amount of weight and that weight will be easier to lose because I’ll already be on the right path. Make sense? The day I had Thing 1 I weighed a whopping 167. I breastfed her the entire first year of her life and contrary to what EVERYONE told me, I lost a very minimal amount of weight. It took forever for the weight to come off. With Thing 2, the weight came off quicker but not as quick as all the skinny Mommies I saw with newborns walking around. Perfect genetically crafted bitches! Kidding! I am proud to say that as of right now I am at a very healthy weight of 123 and that’s after a lot of working out and eating the right portions of the right foods. Not always fun, NOT always easy. I guess what I’m getting at is I will be using how I feel about myself now and Thing 3’s health as my motivation to continue on this road of being healthy and not gaining too much weight or the wrong kind of weight. I might need reminding and I KNOW I’ll need encouragement! Above all the worry, stress, panic and many other things I’m excited to begin this new chapter of our lives. Being a Mommy of 2 is amazing and I can only imagine that it gets better with each squirmy and cuddly addition to the family. I.CAN’T.WAIT.

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Thing 1’s last day at THAT school…..

As much as I regret it now and I can’t figure out what I was thinking, I sent my girl to that school for the second day. I’m a dumbass and I’ll forever be kicking myself for doing it. I should’ve realize that this teacher isn’t and won’t ever been someone that is nurturing and loving and I feel incredible sadness for the next child that takes Thing 1’s place…..

I sent her to school for the 2nd day and as I drove to pick her up I got more and more worried that I made a bad decision. As soon as I walked in and saw my baby, I knew that feeling was right. Why didn’t I trust my gut? Why didn’t my mother’s intuition steer me in the right direction? I asked her how her day was and she just looked at me. It took me half of the ride home to get out of her what happened. Before I get to that, I have to tell you that when I picked Maddy up the teacher smiled at me and waved…that was it. She said nothing to me about problems, issues, ect. When I got home and looked in her backpack, there was a note in there saying that she “cried loudly at naptime” and asked if I will “please talk to about this because she has to listen to the teacher even if she disagrees”. That’s her side of the story. Thing 1’s story differs somewhat. Guess who I believe?

According to Thing 1, she started crying because the teacher wouldn’t let her lay by a little girl that she likes. She said the teacher kept grabbing her and pushing her down like yesterday. When she kept crying, the teacher picked her up and removed her from the rest of the class and Thing 1 said she started crying louder and asked if she could call Mommy. She said the teacher said she could call me if she calmed down. Thing 1 said she calmed down and then asked if she could call Mommy now. The teacher then tells my daughter and I quote “all the phones are broke”….I’m sorry for the cussing but why in the fuck are you lying to my child??? If they aren’t allowed to use the phone, then don’t tell her she can call me! Do NOT lie to her because all you are doing is teaching her she can’t trust adults. This is this teacher’s first years to teach smaller kids and has always taught older kids. I don’t think her old bitty ass has the patience to teach these babies…..THAT’S what they are: BABIES!

In conclusion, we enrolled her in a new school today and she loved it. We talked to the teacher after the first day and she had no problems with our girl at all. She said she listened and was polite and sweet and was a joy to have in the class. What a shocker, right?? I mean, how the hell did she go from ‘worst Pre-K student ever to “joy to have in the class” in 24 hrs? That’s just odd to me! My girl came running to us with a huge smile on her face telling us about coloring and singing songs and meeting new friends and glue and the playground and everything I had hoped for her from the beginning. We haven’t decided what our course of action will be towards the old teacher. We’ve had a number of parents tell us different actions that they recommend. We’re in new territory here.

P.S.
I have to say: to all you that have given me support, advice, or just listened…WOW! You have no idea what that has meant to me! I really have some amazing friends in your guys and you know who you are. I love you guys, really! You know how much I love my babies(because you love your babies just as much) and it honestly felt like your hearts broke right along with mine. I have felt so comforted having you to lean on and I could not have contained my anger or kept it together as well as I did if it wasn’t for you guys. Thank you for being there for me and my girl. It feels great to know that I have friends that truly care and want the best for my babes just like I do. YOU GUYS ROCK!

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Day 1 of School…..

I hesitated writing this but since I can’t stop thinking about it and I am having anger issues, I feel it needs written. I also decided that if, by writing this, I can help someone else not see the look that I had to see on my child’s face earlier this week..it’s worth it. Here is what happened…

As most of you know, Thing 1 started school Wednesday. Words cannot describe the excitement my girl was experiencing. She was bouncing off the walls. This kid has dreamed of going to “stoool” since she was 2 and her wish was finally coming true. We got ready and ate breakfast and off to school we went. We got to her classroom and stayed for a bit because I was having issues leaving my baby. I stayed longer than all the other mothers…just sitting and watching her. I looked at my baby one last time and slipped quietly out the door. I was right on time to pick her up. I walked into the gym, which is where they are at that time of the day, and I see my girl. Her smile is gone. Her face is sad. She isn’t happy or bubbly, like she was when I dropped her off. I ask the teacher’s assistant if everything is okay and she says yes and I take my girl and we get in the car and head home. As soon as we’re in the vehicle, I ask her what’s wrong. She starts telling me every single detail of the day. There isn’t stories of singing or playing or what she got to do for the first time. My little girl is spouting out what ALL she got in trouble for….what all the teacher got onto her for during the day! I can’t believe what I’m hearing. My girl is crying at this point and so I am. She tells me the teacher yelled at her for mixing up the playdoh. She tells me she got TO for pulling on a boy’s shirt on the playground because he threw grass at her(I don’t condone this behavior but the boy didn’t get TO). She then starts talking about naptime and this is when the tears start coming harder. Thing 1 hates naps. She always has. She starts telling me that she got in trouble for not laying down and the teacher grabbed her arms ,”like this” and showed me, and pushed her back down 3 different times and told her if she got up one more time that she couldn’t have her cookie for snacktime. WTF??? #1 Don’t put your hands on MY or anyone else’s kid! #2 You can’t threaten a child with a snack or anything else for that matter. Snacks are mandatory at that age. I know for a fact that they are a state requirement for a child of that age. I didn’t call the school like I should have. I didn’t handle this at all like I should have and I know this now. What did I do? I send her back to the bitch the next day. I wondered if maybe they got off on the wrong foot and maybe both teacher and Thing 1 needed a fresh start. I was so far from right on that thought!

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My 1st EVER Bloggy AWARD!!

The rules are as follows: List 5 obsessions that I have and then tag 5 other people. 5 of my obsessions are:

1. KIMBER. I just found her(or she found me) today thanks to MckMama‘s Not Me! Monday and I HEART her. She is an awesome chick w/ a hilarious outlook and I cannot read a post of hers without 1) laughing my butt off and 2) saying to myself “I know!” because she’s in my head. I’m seriously debating stalking her…but in a good way.

2. My Blackberry. I couldn’t live without it. I have a PC that is a dinosaur. We are talking Stone-Age, cavemen…that type of thing so until the laptop fairies bless me my BB is my lifeline to the outside world. I catch up on all my favorite blogs on Google Reader. Thanks, Stef!!! I twitter via ubertwitter more than any sane person should, text like a nut, and much much more. I love that phone like I would a 3rd child(No offense, future Thing 3!)

3. My family. They are crazy. They are oddballs. They are the goofiest bunch of people that I’ve ever met. I fit right in with these people. It’s probably the genetics. We’re all the same kind of crazy. In all seriousness, I couldn’t go a single day without grabbing each one of them and hugging, smooching, and confessing my love for them over and over. They make this Mama’s heart overflow with happiness.

4. Days of Our Lives. Yup! I’m an old lady in a 20 something’s body. I will scream bloody murder at your if you talk during my soap. Seriously! Right now, Sami still doesn’t know that Nicole stole her baby and Chloe is still in a coma because Kate tried to poison her.(This one hits close to home because my MIL hates me, too!) Check out Days if you have a chance. It won’t take you long to catch up…same story lines for 30 years. I still love them, though!

5. I didn’t want to copy Kimber but like I said, she’s in my head. BLOGS. I love to write them AND read them. It feels so good to write things out. If I’m mad or sad or happy, there is always someone out there that can somehow relate and it feels so kick ass to know I’m not alone in my feelings. I love reading someone’s blog and feel like I’m getting to know that person. I love “meeting” people that way. There are so many awesome Mommies out there with such great advice, voices, and stories and I love be able to be apart of it all.

Now to pass it on:
1. Amanda @ Garibay Soup cuz she has a such a positive outlook on life and great advice on a million things!
2. Cara @ Momma Says cuz she has the cutest babes ever and is the funniest Mama with the coolest recipes!
3. Caiti @ Everything’s Wonderful because she shares my love of furry friends, is always cooking up something awesome, and is ten times smarter than I’ll ever be!
4. Stef @ To Be Thode cuz she’s going to change the world one baby and Mommy at a time and I can’t wait to see it.

5. Kyooty @ Kyooty Center cuz she has a freakin’ crop circle. How cool is that??? And b/c she is an awesome Mama and is ALWAYS makin’ me smile w/ her posts!!

There you go!! now you know 5 of my obsessions {trust me there are others}

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