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Archive for December, 2009

Holiday Anxiety

Christmas is almost here. That means family get-togethers. Travis and I didn’t have normal childhoods. Our families aren’t the Waltons or the Brady Bunch. There was fighting, cheating, promise-breaking, lots of stuff that shouldn’t be seen by children. Long before we had kids we talked about what we wanted out of our family and what kind of  life we would make for our own kids.  I think we essentially decided to learn from our parents mistakes and go from there. We aren’t, by any means, perfect parents but we try our damn-est. I feel such anxiety when it’s time to go visit family. I get that tightness in my chest and I start breathing heavily and the room starts spinning. You know the feeling? Criticism and snide comments and backhanded remarks are sure to be heard. It’s not a fun environment and I do not relish the fact that we have to endure it every year. I don’t hold grudges, neither does Trav. We left the past in the past a long time ago. I simply hate being around people that don’t share the same beliefs that I share about things I carry so close to my heart. I make it a point every single day to praise my children for something…anything(no matter how small) , I tell them I love them several times a day, I show them how much they mean to me and how high on my priority list they are. I don’t want them to ever question my love or pride in being their mother. I could win the lottery 100 times over and still not feel as good as I do when I tell Thing 1 “Good job!” for getting a sticker at school just to have her wrap her arms around my waist and say “Thanks, Mama…You’re the best!” or when I tell Thing 2 “You are such a big boy!” and he replies “I love you…all the best”. Nothing is greater and I will never understand someone/ANYONE not wanting to give and receive that feeling from their own children. I’ll get past the anxiety and suck it up and visit the relatives like I do every year. I’ll bite my tongue and ignore comments. I’ll smile at Trav when he has that look on his face that says the exact same thing I’m thinking at that moment and we’ll drive home and talk quietly while the kids sleep in the back seat about how much luckier we feel because we know how blessed we are to have what we have and that we always remember to cherish every moment.

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