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Archive for May, 2010

Right now…

Some of you know and some of you don’t know that my endo has gotten more consistently painful lately. I knew going back to the doctor was inevitable. We went yesterday. I knew another surgery was going to be in my future but what I heard wasn’t what I expected. It’s time to remove my uterus. Lasering off the endometrial growth won’t help much and the lesions have become so severe that I am left with no other options. Everything is so spider webbed together that laproscopy is not an option. I will be having open surgery….much more risky and a longer recovery time. My doctor wants to make sure he gets everything. He is very thorough. He is going to try to keep my ovaries if he can remove and/or drain the cysts that have grown on them. He also wants to keep my cervix if there aren’t any lesions on that. I will have a urologist there to place stints in my ureters to help them see and feel them so they have a better chance of avoiding them during surgery. After surgery, I will begin getting lupron shots and taking a daily dose of progesterone to put my body into early menopause to kill off anything that might be left. This will go on for a minimum of 6 months and we will reevaluate the progress at that time. To say I’m scared? Understatement. Fucking petrified is more like it. This is huge. I know something has to be done because living in pain and not being the Mommy and wife I want to be is breaking my heart every day. I don’t want to be morbid but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought this: What if I die? What happens then? Those thoughts don’t go away for long. I worry about that. I am still in shock about all this. They are scheduling the surgery and will call me with the exact date. It will be sometime in early July. Thank you to anyone who reads this, worries about me, prays for me. You, my online friends, mean so much to me. You lift me up. You encourage me and give me hope. I love you. I wanted to make sure you knew what was going on now. I’m scared and sad. I’m trying my best to think positively. I really am.

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Wordless Wednesday

 

I love these kids more than my own life and seeing them love each other just makes me feel so overwhelmed with emotion that I come up short trying to put it into words. Hopefully, it means I’m doing something right.

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