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Archive for March, 2010

Wanted: Best Friend

All my life, I have searched for the friend. Not a friend. I’ve had plenty of those. THE friend. A best friend. A friend who can only be described with the word “best”. A friend who is so much more than they have to be. I always had sleepovers growing up, was invited to birthday parties, had people over to my house. I never lacked in someone to hang out with. As I got older, I never ran out of people to do things with but I also didn’t have that someone….that person. I knew it and I think the people who I hung out with knew it, too. I’ve had people in my life who I thought could be the best friend. They lied, talked about me behind my back, broke my trust….broke my heart. They were not my best friend.  I turned my cheek and kept looking for what I knew I wanted: that person. The person who I could tell my fears, my desires, my dreams and wishes to. The person who will listen to me when I’m being silly and then tell me just that. The person who will make me see the positive when all I see is the dark and negative side of things. I have a few people in my life who I can confide in. There is one person who I KNOW would and could be a best friend to me. We cannot be the friends we would like to be. The circumstances around our situation won’t allow it. She knows who she is and she knows how grateful I am for her friendship that I do get. Thank you. I hear about people talking on the phone and hanging out. I want that. I want someone to help me plan my kid’s birthday parties and to go shopping with me and tell me what looks okay on my big boobs that are too big for my body frame. I was laying in bed last night and I couldn’t sleep. I was thinking about my missing friend. The one I know I should have. It felt like a Mack truck came and hit me doing 90. Ashlee! You dumbass! This friend? This person who is always there and never leaves me? This person who will stand by your side and never walk away? The one who will never betray your confidence and tell your darkest secret? The single most trustworthy human on the face of the planet in your eyes? You. married. him. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it before now. We’ve been together almost 9 years…married for 6 next month. I’ve bitched and moaned this WHOLE time about how I’ll never find a best friend, someone who is what everyone else has. I already had it…just in a different form. He isn’t a girlfriend. He isn’t a woman. But he’s my best friend. I know how corny that sounds, trust me. I know people will say “Aren’t you supposed to marry your best friend?” and yes, you are. But, I didn’t realize how much I depend on him as my friend until last night. He’s everything I can’t find in someone else and maybe that’s why….I don’t need to. I have it.

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Meet Night:

This is my talker. She will tell you about her day before you ask. She will ask about your day before you have processed what your day was like. She is the champion at “20 questions”. She quests for knowledge. She is my sassy one. If you make her mad, prepare yourself. She has a quick wit about her and you will see/hear it(we’re working on that one). She is a Daddy’s girl. She has a fierce love for us all but Daddy holds her heart. She swears she will marry him when she grows up and gets out of college(she actually says that). My girl is brave. Nothing scares her. She is always up for trying new things. She wants to jump off the high dive or try the big slide at the park. I love her passion for life and everyone in it. She amazes me every day with her wide eyes that seem to be taking every thing in at all times. I love this girl.

Meet Day:

This is my shy child. You must earn his trust to be able to talk to him, sit beside him, hug him. He’s very protected with his feelings and thoughts. You know you’ve done something right if he asks you a question or walks up to you with a hug. He’s my cuddle bunny. He loves to cuddle, snuggle…pretty much anything that involves close contact with his Mama. He’s been this way since birth. I worried that would go away as he got older but he’s proved me wrong. He’s all boy, too. If it makes a “vroom vroom” sound, he’s all over it. He likes dinosaurs and monkeys and loves to play pretend. There isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars for this little man who brings a smile to my face every day.

These kids of mine are completely different in so many ways. They are like night and day. They also have a lot in common. They both have their Daddy’s feet. Thank goodness! Mine are hideous. Both kids have my nose which is also good because the Trav’s is kind of big. Their eye colors are different but the shape is very similar I could stare into both and get lost. They’re beautiful. These children complete me. They are the reason I am here. I have never felt a more powerful love or need to protect anything in my entire life. Both kids hold my heart in the palms of their tiny little hands. I love them from the tops of their heads all the way down to the tips of their toes….

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