Bring it on!

It’s been  a while since I wrote. I was honestly hoping I’d have something new and wonderful to tell you. “I love menopause. Greatest thing in the world!” Those would be big fat lies. Menopause is almost as big of an evil whore as PMS and endo. The hot flashes feel like satan is here licking my skin. The night sweats feel as if someone has dropped me in the swimming pool and lovingly placed me back into my bed all the while not waking me from my slumber. The mental confusion? HAHAHA! I had that shit before the menopause so now it’s just worse. That ones just kind of funny. The fatigue? It hits at really odd times and I feel like I’ve run a marathon after feeling fine a moment before. When they say “rollercoaster”, they aren’t shitting you. I feel for any woman who has gone through this chemically or naturally. The pain is still here. Doc said to expect at least 3 months before I’d feel less pain. I think it might be less. I’ve attempted to stop the pain meds a few times to see if I could handle the pain. So far, bad BAD experiment there but I had to try, right? Hubs didn’t think so and got pretty upset with me trying. He hates seeing me in pain. I feel like menopause has made me a liar. I am constantly telling him or my sister(about the only IRL people who ask how I’m doing) “I’m fine” and I am lying about 90% of the time. There are days where I’m okay and that’s not a lie. I function through the pain regardless and I go about my day as I would without any pain at all. It just sucks to have to do that because it’s a lot harder to put that smile on my face for Thing 1 and Thing 2 who have come to watch me much closer. They “know”. They don’t know what’s going on but they “know” something isn’t right and they are very protective of me. I love them for that and hate that they notice it. This will get better. I know it will. I’m willing it to get better. I refuse to accept that I will be in pain forever. I have too much in my life and too many things to do to lay in my “Ashlee Cave” with a heat pad on my stomach and cry about how bad I’m hurting. Bring it on, pain. Bring it on, hot flashes. Anything else you got, Mr. Menopause? Throw that at me, too. Thank you to anyone who reads this and asks me how I’m doing. You have no idea how much your support and concern mean to me. I have very little real life support so that fact that you care and worry, wow. Thanks.