The Ride…..

I should start by updating my earlier post. We have decided against the surgery for now. A lot of factors brought us to this decision. It’s inevitable that a hysterectomy is in my future but hopefully the later future. For now, we have chosen menopause. I saw “we” a lot. The reason I say this is because no choice I make affects only me so Travis is very involved in all the decision-making that goes on. We are a team in every aspect. He has amazed me. I started the process of menopause Monday. I had researched, talked to the doctor, talked to people who had gone through the process, and prepared myself mentally. I was ready. Or was I? No. I wasn’t. In beginning, my new medicine I would have to stop my old medicine-the birth control I thought was doing nothing for my pain. I was wrong! About 4 hours after not taking my birth control that I normally take religiously, the pain increased. It kept getting worse and worse until I was doubled over and crying. I couldn’t believe I forgot to take into account that *maybe* this birth control was doing what the doctor prescribed it for….taking the pain down a few notches. So, that’s what I’ve battled the last few days. Pain. More pain than I’m used to. I like to think I can handle a lot. This? Is a new level of “a lot” and I am not a fan. Another fun twist? While my body is transitioning into menopause for the first two weeks my estrogen levels will be extremely high. I couldn’t figure out why I felt like crying nonstop. I wasn’t mad or sad or upset. I would be sitting there and tears would well in my eyes and begin falling down my face. Lovely hormones. That’s been going on for a little over a day. I’m honestly scared to leave the house. What if just start bawling at a total stranger? Then, what? At first, I had decided I was going to keep what I felt when I felt it to myself. Now I’m not. I don’t care if one single person reads this blog.  I want to get this out. Every step of the way, I will be documenting how I feel and when I feel it…..no matter how embarrassing or pathetic. If I can make one other woman feel like she isn’t alone then I will consider it worth it. Here is the beginning of my ride! Giddy Up!

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